cosmopsis

Oscar winning material

Derek, Kat and I are watching The Lake House with Dutch subtitles. Keanu is having a breakdown.

Somehow 66 degrees. Sunny. Sunday. Windows open. Slight breeze. Successful nap. Pleasant dreams. I think I may have just learned what it’s like to be a cat.

Mysteries of the Universe

There is always, at any given hour, on any given day, an America’s Next Top Model marathon on.

In the show intro, instead of “Who will be eliminated” Tyra should say:

WHOSE DREAMS WILL BE DESTROYED…TONIGHT?

“ Did you know that apparently Albert Einstien had crazy hair because he saw a scientist in the movie “metropolis” had crazy hair. So he made his hair crazy too? Isn’t it great that Albert Einstein would do something as shallow and affected as that?

— R. Moola

STILL in 1st place

» "somebody 'missed connections'-ed me, sort of"

internetinternetinternetinternetinternetinternetinternet

“ you saw my friend ‘james yeh’ on the l train. my girlfriend is his roommate. you’re ‘dominating’ my news feed right now. hehe.

— Tao Lin. Well. That solves that. To use Tao-speak, ‘damn’

Overread in NY

Possibly my favorite one yet. On my way back from the East Village last night, I got on the L Train and sat next to some cute hipster kid who just happened to be Asian and editing a long story on his journey back to Williamsburg (no, it was not Tao Lin). The title of the story was written in all caps at the top of each page, next to his last name, which was YEH:

I LOVE AND UNDERSTAND YOU AND WOULD BE PERFECT TO YOU NOW

There was a part about going into a used bookstore and a coffee shop and realizing he actually hated New York City (I think?). And I caught one phrase he edited:

ugly sights and ugly sounds

He cut out the second “ugly.”

(This feels too much like a Missed Connection.)

Out of nowhere phone call from Chelsea

Me: [sound sort of annoyed. hate when people call me at work]: Hey.
Chelsea: Hey, I know you’re at work…
Me: Yeah.
Chelsea: I just thought of something. I just got a new laptop, and I’m giving you my old one. I’m not going to be there again until December, so I’m putting it in the mail today.
Me: Um, I…I love you?
Chelsea: Ok, bye.

Solved the obesity crisis

Limit your daily calorie intake to the exact number of your Tumblarity. Most of the population will then be killed off due to starvation. Fuckyeahskinnybitches might face some problems, though.

PS - Seriously, Meaghan, market this idea to David Karp in your next meeting. I know he’s a busy man, but I’m trying to change the world here.

Now we’re talking.

Finding my polling place because I just moved

NYC Board of Elections: What’s ya’ borough, dear?
Me: Brooklyn.
NYC Board of Elections: Excellent! Brooklyn!
Me: [gives address]
NYC Board of Elections: It looks like you’ll be going to PS132? Oh, no, you’re goin’ to Jennings Hall.
Me: Will I get a sticker?
NYC Board of Elections: They might give you a gold star for tryin’ hard, but the important thing is that ya’ participated in democracy.
Me: Oh, ok.

Happy Birthday, mom. I’ll be scared if you ever find my blog.

from Studies in Pessimism