December 2008
44 posts
Loretta Lynn - Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas,...
Back from the Deep South
1) Made my first visit to New Olreans post-Katrina. Surprised by how well I remembered my way around. Fell in love with a house on Ursulines Street. Called realtor for fun.
2) Stuckey’s closed (the one on I-55 between Mississippi and Louisiana).
3) Larwil Lanes closed.
4) I need to eat a vegetable.
5) Congrats, Justin & Ginger!
Bruce Springsteen - I’m Goin’ Down
What Could Have Been →
Delta keeps sending me 2 different itineraries to...
MATH PROBLEM
A family has two children, and one is a girl named Florida. What is the probability that the family has two girls — to the nearest percentage point?
(My brain is melting)
1 tag
From the Elevator
Man 1: Did you stay late last night?
Man 2: Not really, I think we got on the 9:10 train home.
Man 1: Yeah, yeah...
Man 2: That's what I like about the suburbs. It keeps me honest. [Looks at me and winks]
Me: [Looks at hand for ring. Yes, there's a ring]
Me: [Throws Chipotle burrito in Man 2's face*]
*in Fantasy Filing Cabinet
Disgusting Office Cookie Phenomenon
BDS: I picture samuel jackson in snakes on a plane
"I'm tired of all these motherfuckin' cement cookies in this motherfuckin' office!!!"
or whatever he said
me: omg
that just sent me over the edge
'tis the season
symptoms-of-stress:
for deceitful christmas cookies. (yes, christmas—there’s no such thing as “holiday cookies.”) that time of year when you find yourself in the office kitchen, moderately hungover and making a cup of keurig coffee (brewed one cup at a time in under 60 seconds), and you notice a tray of cookies with a note from one of your colleagues that reads, “enjoy!” or god forbid something...
No
I am so hungover. I am hallucinating Paula Deen. I want someone to make me mashed potatoes and feed me popcorn in a dark, womb-like movie theater. I’m calling the police…
“I’ve abandoned free-market principles to save the free-market system.”
– Bushism of the Day
no cake for young adolf hitler →
(via joshnissenboim)
BDS: someone should so a coffee table book
of toddlers with absurd/awful names
*do a coffee table book
me: I agree
BDS: with an intro essay by "Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined"
me: haha
I understand that the line can get fuzzy, but no one should be legally allowed to name their child Adolf Hitler.
no one
BDS: I agree
there should be a name obscenity law
what if I want to name my child "disappointing failure"?
“Mmk. I’m going to get going and go post some of this conversation on...”
– Meryl
Lunch break tourism
Working so close to the Empire State Building is odd: It’s only visible from the north side of my building, and if I decide to walk west for lunch, I am solicited with tour brochures and can witness the reactions of people who have traveled thousands of miles to see it. I like how from far away the antenna looks so simple and sharp, but from underneath it looks like something that could be...
“Most of the writers I know work every day, in obscurity and close to poverty,...”
– Timothy Egan, “Typing Without a Clue” (via symptoms-of-stress)
The most horrifying link in the world →
(via pastoneoclock)
I can’t stop laughing. This is truly the scariest thing I have ever seen.
From the Archives
BDS: what'd you get your mama for xmas?
me: I got her some really pretty mittens/gloves
and some random shit from Sephora
BDS: "some random shit from sephora"
nice
reads like a commercial
"make her holiday unforgettable with some random shit from sephora"
What would your last meal be? →
• Saddam Hussein, brutish even in his selection of food (boiled chicken, rice and hot water with honey)
• Ted Bundy (he declined a special meal and was given the traditional breakfast)
• Timothy McVeigh, obsessive to the end (two pints of mint chocolate chip ice cream)
• John Wayne Gacy (a bucket of KFC original recipe chicken, french fries, a dozen deep-fried shrimp and a pound of...
Louisiana beats out Mississippi: Title of the... →
(via thelunasea)
As my friend Daniel so brilliantly stated: “I’m proud to be a Mississippian today. I’m gonna celebrate by eating an entire jar of pork rinds with a bowl of buttermilk ranch.”
Nirvana - Sliver
“u ppl r all wrong, the...
Word of the Day
absquatulate
PRONUNCIATION:
(ab-SKWOCH-uh-layt)
MEANING: verb intr.: To leave in a hurry; to flee.
ETYMOLOGY:
A Mock-Latinate formation, from ab- (away) + squat + -ulate (as in congratulate). First cited from the late 1830s.
USAGE:
“If you try to absquatulate again, I’ll sic the FBI on you.”
Elliott Roosevelt; Murder in the Executive Mansion; St. Martin’s...
Elliott Smith - Bottle Up and Explode!