cosmopsis

Overread in NY

A list I overread on the L train, from the chapter REAL ROLES in a book called On Becoming A Real Man:

Create a servant’s heart
Augment our natural talent
Maximize our personality

(The list was very long, but these are the only ones I could see.)

BOWLER NEEDED TONIGHT

ATTN: My bowling team, which is currently in first place at The Gutter, needs an extra bowler tonight.

If you can at least break 100, please email me immediately. This is serious business. And I will buy you a drink.

True story: I once tried to order from a White Castle drive-thru window on foot.

The Problems With Eating at Your Desk

Coworker 1: [walking past] Havin’ lunch?
Me: Yep! Havin’ lunch.

Coworker 2: [stops in front of my desk] Hey, have you seen Dan? Man, that looks good. Lunch?
Me: Yep. Lunch.

Coworker 3: [walking past] Havin’ lunch?
Me: Hey, come here for a second.
Coworker 3: Yes?
Me: Swiss cheese is the generic name in Australia, New Zealand, Canada, United States and Serbia, for several related varieties of cheese, all of which resemble the Swiss Emmental. Some types of Swiss cheese have a distinctive appearance, as the blocks of the cheese are riddled with holes known as “eyes”. Swiss cheese is known for its nutty, bittersweet taste. Three types of bacteria are used in the production of Emmental cheese: Streptococcus salivarius subsp. thermophilus, Lactobacillus (L. helveticus or Lactobacillus delbrueckii subsp. bulgaricus), and Propionibacter (P. freudenreichii or P. shermani). In a late stage of cheese production, the Propionibacter consumes the lactic acid excreted by the other bacteria, and releases carbon dioxide gas, which slowly forms the bubbles that develop the eyes. Swiss cheese without eyes is known as “blind.” In general, the larger the eyes in a Swiss cheese, the more pronounced its flavor; this is because the same conditions that lead to large eyes—longer aging or higher temperatures—also allow the bacteria and enzymes to produce a stronger flavor. This poses a problem for makers of pre-sliced Swiss cheese, the most popular category in the United States. Cheese with large eyes doesn’t slice well, sometimes coming apart in mechanical slicers. This costs time and money and is one reason why US manufacturers usually produce a product less aged and flavorful than imported cheeses of the same style. Baby Swiss is another related cheese, often found in the US. Made by substituting water for the milk’s whey to slow bacterial action, Baby Swiss cheese has smaller holes and a milder flavor. Baby Swiss is often made from whole milk. Lacy Swiss is a further variety of US small hole Swiss cheese made with low fat milk. The largest manufacturer of Swiss cheese in the world is Brewster Dairy, located in Brewster, Ohio.

Cruelty, Manipulation, Meaninglessness

If the weather is nice enough, sometimes I’ll walk aimlessly around the city for my entire lunch hour, and even occasionally snap pictures with my toy phone (and sometimes a real camera!!!)

Today I saw a really pretty electric yellow tree on 32nd street, so I stopped to take a photo, when I saw one of my coworkers walking past. She sort of gave me a look, as if I was the stupidest person in the world, for being outside, in the world, on my lunch break, during fall in New York City, and taking a picture of a tree that will soon be dead.

I felt embarrassed. I felt caught, as if I was trying to have a real life or something.