Hypnosis by flashing sign
Please keep
Feet OFF seats
LAST STATION
NEXT STATION
NEW YORK PENN
Be considerate
Speak Softly
Please keep
Feet OFF seats
LAST STATION
NEXT STATION
NEW YORK PENN
Be considerate
Speak Softly
I’m not lying when I say this, but I’m 28 and just saw The Wizard of Oz for the first time. Beau always told me he’d be the one to finally show it to me. And he did. I’ve had a couple of strong Bloody Marys, but I’m pretty choked up and blown away. That was a beautiful movie.
Meet Anne. I’ve known her since I was 6. Her mother would often force her to attend evangelical revivals, and Anne would blackmail me into going along, too.
Happy Thanksgiving.
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Joan Jett - Crimson and Clover
Hello.
This is dedicated to someone in my office.
Did I tell you about the time that Judy cut herself, and was like shaking her hand around and sucking on it and when I said “You alright, Judy?” she looked at me, stony faced and said: “Papercut, you get used to it.” And then she put on her SUNGLASSES and rode her HARLEY DAVIDSON out of the office window.
—
R. Moola
R. Moola
3 This post is tagged with: I CAN'T BREATHE
One good thing about my job is there are always different children from different countries running around. I’m sort of babysitting this one right now. I love taking kids on tours of the office while their parents are taking care of stuff. I say things like, “Have you ever seen a copy machine before? Do you want to watch me copy my entire face? YOU DO? Ok! Watch this!”
And then I say, “Have you ever seen…a coffee machine? No? You don’t like coffee?”
Ok, well, what about “A FILE CABINET?! LOOK AT ALL OF THESE BEAUTIFUL FILES!”
(She doesn’t speak English, by the way. She has no idea what I’m saying)
Also: Remember how boring it was going with your parents to places like this? You had no clue why you were there and all you wanted to do was destroy everything in sight?
Also: I want her haircut.
Also: If you get along well with kids, does that mean you aren’t completely dead inside yet?
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Jerry Lee Lewis - What’s Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me)
Who needs a beer?
This is my friend Jocelyn Guest. (I took the rest of this post down because Jocelyn actually thought I was mad at her. Now I want to put it back up but I can’t even remember what it said. But the point is, CALL ME, JOCELYN).
Fallingandlaughing, whose blog I recommend, must have picked up on my penchant for mildly incredibly disturbing things, as evidenced by this photo he sent me of these turkey cakes in his neighborhood bakery. In case you do not understand, those are cakes. Shaped like turkeys. Some things we have said about these terrifying little treats in the past 24 hours:
Him: I’ve been really horrified and fascinated with them for the past couple weeks, they confuse me.
Me: Simply cannot get over those turkey cakes.
Him: I’m not sure if it’s clear in the photo I sent, but those cubes coming out of the turkey cake’s back orifice are little pieces of brown and yellow cake made to look like stuffing. Sick. I wonder if the cakes come with some weird syrup gravy. I should make an inquiry.
Me: They’re so cute yet so…disturbing. Imagine cutting into it? Or biting into it? How gross would it be if the color of the cake was like a pale pink?
Me: I am still freaking out about these turkey cakes. Sooooo funny. They just look so…little and gross. I want to stick my hands in them and then cry.
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
“Real Love,” Beach House
Jesus, this song is pretty. I had not heard it before. I’ve been notoriously behind on music for the past two years.
Subjects were more likely to help when the person hadn’t been staring (echoing a long line of studies finding that people generally become uncomfortable in the face of an unprovoked or inappropriate gaze—unless, of course, the gazer is an attractive woman).
—
A great Slate article by Tom Vanderbilt on subway psychology. So, when can I start getting paid to study people on trains? It’s my favorite thing to do, but am I just too voyeuristic?
I could agree that New Yorkers*, despite the myths about their temperament, can be quite polite. Men offer me a seat fairly often on the train (of course there’s the instant paranoia that maybe they think I’m pregnant, but then I realize, no, they are just being gentlemen). People have helped me when I’ve been robbed. People have made small talk with me that wasn’t inappropriate (I chatted with two guys recently about how The Wire is the best show ever made). People have smiled. People have exchanged funny words with me when something utterly bizarre was taking place. People have passed me notes telling me to cheer up. Uncomfortable things will happen, too, though, and you’ll witness some disgusting stuff.
And then there’s the fun game that we all love, of eye flirting. But of course this game can only be successful and enjoyable if both parties understand the rules: 1) You must not speak to each another and 2) You must accept that you will never see each other again (hence everyone’s obsession with fabricating and perpetuating “Missed Connections”). Behaving otherwise would be an invasion.
*I am not a real New Yorker. You have to be born here for that, but I do believe sometimes that “We are all in this shit together.”
Stupid Computers
In the past three years, I’ve had three different Macbooks, two of which exploded two days after my Apple Care expired, one of which I ruined with a two-dollar bottle of beer (I think I may have lied to some people and said it was a glass of water because I was ashamed), but anyway, my friend Chelsea was sweet enough to randomly mail me her old iBookG4 when she bought a fancy new Macbook.
A few things about this computer:
1) The date was set to 1969
2) The desktop background is a picture of our friend Carolina swimming in a lake in Tennessee, wearing floaties, drinking a Miller Light in a can
3) The CD drive does not work
4) Chelsea’s old iTunes is stocked with some amazing stuff
5) There are lots of old pictures of us from my various trips to Nashville over the years
So far it’s working like a charm. And the best part is that I don’t think this computer can be ruined. I might even take it in the shower with me sometime.
PS - and thank GOD it does not have Photobooth.
